Monday, September 7, 2015

Listening

I've always thought if I listened hard enough I could tell what a horse was saying. Listening comes in different forms. Sometimes it's the obvious head tossing, bucking, spinning horse that I'm dealing with. Sometimes I wait for the little "try" that a horse gives. Sometimes it's just a cock of the ear, a swish of a tail, just one step that is different, the roll of a muscle underneath your saddle, the flicker in an eye-even that is noticeable if one is really listening. But waiting for a horse to tell me it's time to end it all is a new one for me. I've dealt with my other smaller animals regarding this issue but never a horse. This horse. This horse that I've literally put my blood, sweat and tears into, that I've learned so much about horses from birth to death. This horse that I've trained from birth, dealt with all her good and bad habits. Some of the good and the bad are her tendencies or my training deficits, and in any case having to encourage or retrain either her or me. This horse that I gave up only to have her given back to me for nursing her thru these final few weeks. This horse that has taught me so much about myself while all along I thought I was learning how to ride and care for a horse. This horse.

Zoe had spent from July 28 to August 30 in a holding pattern. I wasn't sure if she was going to get better or worse. There were so many improvements and then she hit a plateau. Things remained the same for a few weeks. Her Bowen treatments were done, she was out in the pasture with the other horses and was doing fine. She even trotted, on purpose, with grace and brakes. I heard that she loped out the pasture gate to catch up with the other horses to eat grass. She started some different treatments to deal with her jaw/head problems, trying to make her more comfortable. I was starting to think that I could see if she could do more than just the little bit of ground work that we had done over the past few weeks. I always kept in mind that at anytime she might be worse again. And I spent much of my time just grooming her and listening to what she was trying to tell me. Because even with all those improvements and the plateau that she hit, I felt that she still had more to "say".

Saturday, August 29th was the day I knew things were going to be different. Zoe was still doing okay but it was as if she was telling me that morning that her time was short. She was so sweet that morning as I groomed her and as I went over those "special" areas that she had, her lingering enjoyment of being touched in those places was intense. She was telling me and I was listening.  Words can't describe how I knew, but I knew.

Sunday was a whirlwind of activity. And there wasn't much time to spend with the horses. Zoe looked the same when I checked on her.

Monday, August 31 was the different day. THO can look like a stroke. It had affected the right side of her face and her ability to walk. Altho the walking improved greatly, the facial deficits remained the same-until today. This morning her lips drooped more and her right eye was starting to loose its sight.  The bones that were broken inside of her jaw weren't healing in good places. They were pressing on muscles and nerves that affected her eye and mouth area.  It was hard to work that day knowing that by my evening visit I would know for sure. By the evening her right eye was starting to sink into her head and was totally blind. Her lips still drooped.  Walking was no different, she could still get around fine. She could still eat and drink and she spent more time laying down, resting. I spent the evening with her. It would be our last private time together, a time I'll always treasure.

Tuesday morning I called the new owner and said it was time. Zoe never made it to the new owners property and I was glad. A trailer ride in a trailer that she had an accident in when very young, combined with the ride thru the canyon didn't give me and obviously Zoe any comfort-because she would not get in the trailer. It must feel funny for a neurologic horse to get in a trailer-Zoe had just figured out how to make the ground/her legs/her balance work for her again and she was asked to get in a trailer that has an "unstable ground". She was not having any part of it. So the new owner didn't push it, I know with a healthy horse she would have gotten the horse in the trailer but with this one, she relented.

So the decision was made to put Zoe down on Saturday, Sept 5 in the gelding pasture at the barn. I could not be there, I had already said my "goodbyes". I had a flight to catch to Portland, a drive back home with grandkids, and a huge family gathering on Saturday. I put a trusted, level headed barn friend in charge of Zoe while I was gone-altho there was nothing special to do for her- and the new owner was in charge of putting her down. I'm told that she spent the rest of her days in peace, just being a horse in the pasture with the herd.

Listening for my dogs to say it's time to go was vastly different than listening for my horse to say it's time. I guess I've never had the partnership with my dogs that I've had with Zoe. In our house the dogs are usually my husband's pets, the dogs usually consider him first and me second. But I think it's my partnership with Zoe that made it so different. She takes care of me and I take care of her-it's like the original "I've got your back relationship" in animal form. Listening to each other, respecting each other is part of that relationship. I will always treasure the bond that the two of us had. I have many good memories to look back on. There are lessons I learned that I will take with me thru out my whole life. Her name is Greek, it means "life" and she will continue to live in my heart and life.
 


    
     


Friday, August 21, 2015

Uncertain Future

I've always wanted to experience everything that a horse has to offer. Everything from birth, their job as they go about life and, yes, even their death. It's always been like that with all the animals that I've owned. And for those animals that I've missed out on part of the cycle of life, it's like something is missing. A piece of the puzzle isn't there and the whole picture, at least on this side of heaven, is incomplete. It appears that I get to be engaged in all the choices of Zoe's life, from birth to death. Something has happened to Zoe and even tho she no longer is officially mine, the barn owner is relying on me to keep her updated on her condition and to research the options available for the horse and convey my findings to her. Truthfully, I'm thankful to be involved in the process. Even tho it is sometimes confusing and painful, it helps me in the process of letting go. Releasing the horses to another owner was a decision that needed to be made and I do not regret it. I surrendered all "rights" that surrounded the care of those horses. And to be involved in a decision as delicate as life or death is a privilege that I thought I had given up. All I can do is submit my findings to the new owner and give her my opinion. I know that we all want what is the best for the horse, to treat her fairly and give her a chance. The time we have spent waiting to see what will happen combined with the information gathered seem to lead to a poor prognosis.  We have tried many treatments to bring some partial healing to the situation and I believe they have brought some comfort to Zoe. But the ultimate problem still exists and unless she can compensate for her deficits, the kindest thing to do would be to put her down.

On the morning of July 28th I was going to ride Zoe before work. I found her with a few scrapes and cuts on her front legs. I haltered her and watched her as I walked her out of the pasture. Her hind legs weren't working, she spent a lot of time trying to balance herself, she was neurologic. It was a slow walk out of the pasture. At first I thought of washing her legs off at the wash rack but then thought better of it as her balance was so bad. Instead I put her in the arena to see what she wanted to do. She stumbled around trying to eat the mulberry leaves that had fallen to the ground. She tried to trot but couldn't. I put a flake of hay in there for her and she parked herself by it and didn't move. I think the "world was spinning" to her so she just froze. I called the owner and got permission to call the vet. Vet says EPM or Temporohyoid Osteoarthropathy with secondary vestibular disease - hear after referred to as THO. It was also possible that her problem could be TMJ, or she hit her head or neck really hard on something. She was trying to shake her head, but could only tilt it a fraction of an inch and she would almost fall over. Her right ear was a little lower than her left ear. Her right nostril drooped a little lower than her left nostril. If she was going to fall it would have been to her right. Her head tilted a bit to the right. We put her in a paddock in the barn with no access to the stall and waited. In the meantime I have been the one taking care of her.  Tested for EPM, came back negative. In a few days her symptoms improved. She could walk without stumbling, side pass, move backwards when asked, walk over poles, shake her head without falling. At first she had much discomfort in swallowing and eating (dysphagia). Every bite of food was met with laid back ears, neck outstretched, slowly chewing, quidding her food (leaving food balls). I put her in the arena a few days afterwards just to see what she wanted to do. She moved about better but could not trot, could not even take a trot step. As soon as she tried she flipped over on to her right side. She did it twice and then decided walking was better. She was figuring out what her deficits were. She was moved back into her paddock. Over the next few days her improvements did not seem so big, but she did not go "backwards" in her recovery.

I ran into a friend that knows Equine Bowen. She isn't certified in it, has only taken the first of 4 courses but knows enough of the basic Bowen to do movements that would help the basic functions of a horse but nothing specific to the head and jaw area. So once a week for 3 weeks she has seen Zoe. Over that time improvements have happened. She doesn't seem as uncomfortable eating, she is moving faster at a walk, she can do turns on the hindquarters, she can back over poles but does not make any effort to trot. When the horses in the pasture run by, she will not run with them. Her ears are even now, her nostrils are straight sometimes. She doesn't drop as much food now. She can scratch her belly by lifting a back leg and moving her head to chew on her belly. She can try to eat food on the other side of the fence by putting her head to the ground, going under the fence while her rump in up in standing position.

It has been about 3 1/2 weeks now and improvements have been slow again. As time has gone on I've tried to figure out what is really wrong with her. The new owner doesn't want to spend a lot of money on diagnostics and would rather wait to see what happens. The only diagnostics left are an X-ray or scoping the horse. An X-ray would help with the TMJ or head trauma issue and may help diagnose the THO. A scope would give a definite THO diagnosis but would do nothing regarding TMJ or trauma. As time has gone on I've narrowed it down to something wrong in her head. TMJ or THO would press on nerves that would cause neurologic symptoms. There were a few things that she was doing that lead me to look into THO deeper and I believe that is what is wrong with her. The head tilt, shaking the head, dysphagia, facial deficits, possible right eye problems with sight and blinking, when I put my hand under her jaw as she chews there is an "extra" movement down there. The more I read about THO, the more I could see her symptoms.

THO is a degenerative bone disease. They don't really know what initially causes it, there is no preventative measures that can be taken to completely stop it, nor is there any "red flag symptoms" that would cause one to think something like this will happen. It's usually diagnosed by scoping a horse and as the scope moves into the guttural pouch it happens to go by the stylohyoid bone and at that time the vet would notice that the bone is abnormally large and the disease has already started and it's just a matter of time before it progresses to the stylohyoid bone breaking. Inside the horses head, inside the skull and jaw bones there are a series of bones that are joined together from the base of the ear to the larynx. The bone by the ear starts to degenerate and causes the stylohyoid bone to enlarge. Eventually the bones fuses together but the horse still has to move it's jaw-it has to eat, drink and vocalize. As the horse does this, it fractures the stylohyoid bone. At that point the neurologic signs show up.

There are two ways this can be dealt with. Surgery or medical treatment. If caught early, before the fracture, there are two types of surgeries that can be done to try and stop this from happening. One is to cut a piece of the stylohyoid bone out or to remove another smaller bone. The cost is close to $3000 for this to happen where I work. More money than the new owner or I would spend. The surgery could cause a complete recovery or not. Each case is different. There are no definite answers. Medically, anti inflamatories are given and you wait and see what happens. The bone is fractured, as it heals it may heal in a "good" place with no arthritic boney growths and life will go on for the horse.  It probably won't return to its previous job but may become a pasture pet. Or it may cause more ear and eye problems for the horse, as if it has an ear infection, the eye can develop a corneal ulcer or uvitis. An infection may set up that will cause fevers and needs for more medications. A horse with this problem depends on their sight to compensate for their neurologic deficits. If sight is taken away from this horse, like a blind fold, the horse will not be able to walk. The bone that "healed" could fracture again as this is a degenerative bone disease and cause more neurologic symptoms. THO could mean anything from euthanasia to going back to a normal life. The surgeon at work said the pendulum usually swings somewhere in the middle of that scenario for a while but that in time THO is usually what kills the horse, even one that has "recovered" because it is a degenerative bone disease.

There are some good websites on THO.  
http://www.roodandriddle.com/news/my-horse-has-what-temporohyoid-osteoarthropathy.html    http://www.thehorse.com/articles/29660/equine-temporohyoid-osteoarthropathy-studied   https://s3.amazonaws.com/assets.prod.vetlearn.com/mmah/b3/f591f1606d4976860b4bd3b16d7dbb/filePVE_04_06_278.pdf     

I've relayed my findings to the new owner, along with LOTS of material for her to read. Some of it is in laymen's terms and some of it you would need a dictionary to read it. She has allowed me to have some input in the course of treatment for Zoe. I do know someone that is certified in Equine Bowen treatment and is willing to try to make her more comfortable in the jaw/head area. The new owner is willing to pay for 3 treatments for that. Zoe did respond to the basic Bowen so maybe this will help her to improve. The new owner, like myself, thinks that Zoe has not shown us yet how far her healing will go but she is also feeding and housing a horse that isn't making any money for her. Life has to go on at some point. She also wants Zoe back out in the pasture because she needs the stalls in the barn for new horses coming in. Zoe may be able to negotiate a herd, I'm not sure she will run with them and hopefully she can move away from a bossy horse. Over the next week one of my jobs is to get her used to the herd again. I think I'll daily try it in the arena, one day by herself, next day with one horse, next day with two horses. We will see how it goes. Zoe will be at the barn, with lots of people around that can keep an eye on her and it's all familiar territory. If that all goes well and she has her 3 weeks of extra Bowen and if she improves she will eventually go to retire at the new owners other property. That is a lot of "ifs". There comes a point that you have to try to see if life can work for her again and apparently soon is the time.  If she can't be comfortable eating and if she can't live in a herd, she needs to be put down. Because if she can't do those basic things, life as a horse will not be good for her. It would be kinder to put her down rather than allow her condition deteriorate.

The story isn't over yet. More to be written later. But at this time, this is where things stand. I'm not sure where this will end.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Horse update

Zoe has had her shoes removed and has been going barefoot since April 30th. She was a bit sore the first few weeks but now has gotten used to no shoes. I haven't taken her out on the trail since going barefoot but plan on doing it next week.

Zoe and Skippy continue to "hang out" together in their new pasture. I notice that sometimes they are on opposite sides of the pasture but they always know where the other one goes...if I take one out of the pasture the other one follows, or calls out-but no one is frantic with worry anymore. That is really nice.

Skippy seems to enjoy getting out for a small ride in the arena a few times a week. She was getting a bit in a hurry with some of the students, but the students are better riders now and are getting a better response out of her.

Zoe still continues to be a bit of a slow-poke for the students. The trainer noticed that she responds to a dressage whip and for the more advanced riders has started to let them use one. For me, I could go either way. I think it's the relationship I have with her that makes the difference.

I noticed that Zoe wasn't picking up her right lead very well, again, after working on it most of last summer! So today we had some round pen time. She was fine in the round pen. I forgot my helmet and rode her in the round pen without it. It felt nice to have the wind go thru my hair. And best of all she picked up her leads just fine. A few mistakes today in the arena, but she picked up the correct lead many times, so we called it good.

A few pictures of them in their new jobs:




Today I found a picture of Zoe when she was little-racing around the pasture with a playmate:



Thursday, April 23, 2015

Trip pictures

Not a horsey post but a recent trip post. We helped move my daughter and family to Portland. It is a beautiful place. Just a few pictures...



Getting closer 
 

It took 13+ hours to get there with 2 small children in the car. To get back it took 10 hours. 



 Some of our hikes....Forest Park

























A park 5 minutes from my daughter's house...










Yes the slugs are big





Pittock Mansion at Forest Park with it's view of Portland...and a small visitor on the steps!







Newest "settler's" in Portland...looking forward to many visits and checking it all out! 





Tuesday, March 24, 2015

March changes

March turned out to be different for many reasons.

At our barn staff meeting on March 1st we discussed my role at the barn and where Skippy and Zoe would live. Since I don't own any horses anymore I technically don't have to do any work around the barn. But I wanted to continue to ride and I didn't mind helping out some in exchange for that to happen. So many of my chores were divided up and some of them I kept. I kept the ones on Wednesday, feeding in the morning and evening, cleaning the barn only, and cleaning only 2 water troughs. I don't need to stay all day but probably will stay sometimes to catch a ride out with someone. The barn manager wanted me to ride the school horses to keep them "tuned up" and I can manage to do that Monday, Tuesday and Saturday mornings before I go to work.

Because I used to do so much cleaning and to keep the barn staff from taking on even more chores, it was decided to move Skippy and Zoe to another pasture that our hired pasture cleaner cleans. So Skippy and Zoe moved that day to the front pasture where the school horses live. Before they moved into that pasture only 4 horses lived there. Brandy, ChaCha, Sky and Chico. Brandy (privately owned horse) and ChaCha (the only school horse we had) are best friends. They are (were) also in charge of the pasture-Brandy more so. Sky (privately owned) and Chico (privately owned) are the only geldings in the pasture are easy going horses and Chico is on the bottom of the hierarchy. Enter Skippy and Zoe. Skippy, who can be very opinionated, didn't want to make any waves and took a submissive approach to the herd. Zoe, on the other hand, challenged the top-Brandy. Zoe almost seemed to want to be Brandy's best friend and Brandy had none of it, but didn't challenge Zoe, she ran away-all the time. So now Brandy is no longer in charge, ChaCha hangs around with Brandy, so if Brandy is running from Zoe, so is ChaCha. Skippy is like glue on Zoe's side, so when Zoe goes after someone it seems like 2 horses are coming at the horse being chased. This goes on for days. I'm thinking that Zoe has picked the wrong place in the herd, being at the top means you have to hold the top and instead of running from trouble, she would have to deal with trouble or make the trouble. Being at the top comes with many hard knocks. But I guess she will learn. So we all just watched the interactions of these horses as they learned how to operate together. It was amusing. All the "girls" milled around for days trying to figure out the hierarchy in the herd. In the meantime the "boys" just stayed on the edges of the pasture. Sky and Chico just watched the "girls", keeping out of their way. I could almost hear them say "I'm not going over there, you can't get me anywhere near those crazy ladies." The "boys" were literally standing in the corners of the pasture watching the "girls" mill around. If Brandy or ChaCha were "out" for a lesson or a ride, it was obvious that Zoe (and her sidekick Skippy) were in charge. Things finally settled down and now it seems ChaCha is in charge. ChaCha must have told Zoe to knock it off. Zoe no longer wants to be Brandy's best friend, ChaCha won't let her. So now Skippy and Zoe hang out together, Brandy and ChaCha hang out together and Sky and Chico just keep an eye out for those crazy ladies and try to stay out of their way.

Another thing that was interesting was what would Skippy or Zoe do if I took one out for a lesson. I decided to take Zoe out the next morning. Skippy ran up to me when I walked into the pasture, as if to say, "there you are and take me out of here." At this point Zoe was still fixated on Brandy. As I lead Zoe out of the pasture I could tell that riding her was not a good idea, too much energy and her attention was not on me. So we lunged in the arena-the arena is next to the pasture I just took her out of. Zoe would not lunge in a circle but in a figure 8-always coming back to the shared arena/pasture fence to check out Brandy. So I could make Zoe lunge in a figure 8, I could change directions of the figure 8 too. So I decided to see if she could stand still tied in the barn. Result: not really. So I decided to lunge in the arena again. This time Zoe could go in a circle, not the whole arena, just half of it. And we could change direction. So we went back to the barn to see how she would stand. She could do a better job, not perfect but definitely better. One more time back to the arena, this time on a lunge line. She did perfect. And back in the barn she did almost perfect. I called it a day. However, during this time of working with Zoe, Skippy was not happy. Her buddy was gone and she running back and forth from the arena to the gate. By the time I was done with Zoe (only a half hour), Skippy's front half was wet with sweat. Poor thing, pretty worried horse. I pulled her out and they both got to be in the barn together. Every day we worked on it, taking Zoe or Skippy out first and letting the other horse "deal with it" and now it's no problem. They do miss each other, they might call out once, but they stand fine, and pay attention to the person.

Then one day, shortly after they got in their new pasture, the trainer tried to take the lesson out the front gate. Her lesson was using ChaCha and Zoe. Zoe was having a hard time with that. So all that next week I worked with Zoe going out the gate. She seemed fine all the time. Unfortunately I think the lesson kids got the worst of that one.

Now Zoe and Skippy seemed to be settled in their new place. Skippy even found a friend-only when she is in heat. Her new friend at that time of the month is Chico. I found them standing together, with Chico's head resting on the top of Skippy's butt. Unfortunately Chico just injured his right eyelid and is in the barn with stitches. He'll be back in the pasture again. Probably in time for Skippy's next cycle.

It will be interesting to see other things that happen. It's a new world out there!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Turning them over

The month of February was interesting. It would be the last month of owning the horses and I allowed them to be used for lessons.

How would it settle for me to give them up? I think I had a harder time November thru January thinking about where they would end up, hoping that they would be okay in their new homes, wondering if I could find one home for both of them. One thing that remained was my resolve that this was the correct decision, it was time to let them go. Small things happened that encouraged me to keep going down the same path even tho it was going to be a big change. And when I finally made up my mind to donate them to the barn for lesson horses, it was a huge relief, it was the correct choice.

 Now what would it be like for me to see them being used as lesson horses and how would the horses react? This turned out to be the easy part. I got a chance to teach some lessons for about a month while the barn manager was recovering from knee surgery. During this time I got to use Zoe and Skippy for lessons. The horses didn't seem to mind being ridden by other people. They knew their job in the arena. Skippy can be a bit of a challenge for some - because for her, everything a rider does means something. You can't flop around on top of her and accidentally hit her with your leg and expect nothing to happen. She is like a finely tuned instrument and everything a rider does means something.  Zoe is a bit more forgiving, trying to please but a bit more patient with a new rider. It turned out to be a blessing to be able to teach lessons during this time. To be able to encourage someone to ride for the first time, to watch their understanding of horseback riding grow, to see progress in the riders ability was very satisfying for me. And it gave me a chance to see how the horses would react and they did just fine. I remember a lesson that I took when Zoe was younger. The teacher had us all change horses for about 1/2 the lesson. I remember that there were about 3 of us that had younger horses in that lesson, all 3 of us had horses that were born close together. At the end of the lesson we all got back on our original horses, the ones we owned and raised and worried about and ....  anyway it was like we were worried that somehow having someone else on them would "mix them up", we fussed over them, rode them again even tho the lesson was over, making sure they were ok. Now that I think back on it, it was funny. The lesson instructor must have been smiling to herself. The horses were just fine, they weren't confused, no horse was "ruined" by this experience-and life went on. It reminds me what the instructor used to say all the time, "a horse lives up to or down to your expectations", they don't forget. I can still get on Zoe at anytime and she will mind me just fine. Skippy for years has been ridden by 2 other people, my husband and a friend's husband, and that has not made her forget anything that I have ever wanted to communicate to her. The lesson program at our barn is starting to increase but will never get to the place it once was. There was not very much rest for the lesson horses, they didn't have very many breaks between lessons. Now things are slower. I was also proud of them. It was like raising a child and watching them exceed at something-there is the same sense of pride in their accomplishments, satisfaction in seeing them do great, amazement and wonder as I watch them move thru life. It is the same feeling I have for the horses. So it has been a good experience.

We have a new lesson instructor at the barn and it's been fun to get to know her and let her use the horses. It is nice to have a knowledgeable person using the horses. It turns out that she loves the horses. She has been mostly using Zoe and ChaCha for lesson and will use Skippy soon. She has been showing me pictures/videos of how Zoe is doing and that has been very helpful.

So that was February. March turned out to be a bit different...more to come later.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

A different view

A new view between the ears is occurring. Even tho this is being written March 3rd, these thoughts occurred at the beginning of February...

It's been a while since I posted about selling the horses. I thought about that for a long time and I gave myself until February to come up with some direction. In the months between November and February I took lots of pictures and videos intending to use them to sell the horses on line. I had talked to many friends, coworkers, farriers, trainers, anyone who would listen about selling the horses. My dressage teacher helped me come up with prices and wording to help sell them. A friend told me about videos to help sell them because words backed up with videos goes a long way to sell a horse. I knew I would give a new owner a really good deal if it was a good home for them. I really wanted to try to find them a home where they could stay together, but I was willing to sell them separately if that turned out to be the best situation for each of them.

Two things stood out that helped me to make up my mind. One was that Skippy is a hard horse to sell. She is 20 years old and is slightly off on the left front. In January I had the vet out and we took X-rays of the left front. Turns out there is no ringbone or sidetone, just some slight arthritis on the front of her pasture bone where it connects to the cannon bone. Also some navicular changes that would be expected of a 20 year old horse-no navicular disease tho. Phew, that was a relief-now I had some information to give a future buyer. But all of that doesn't change the way she moves or her age. And the second thing was my desire that they stay together. It would be hard to find a home for both of the horses. So those things lead me to make the decision at the beginning of February to donate the horses to my riding stable to be used for lesson horses.

They would stay together and both of them would be used. The lesson program at my barn used to be very busy. The horses in the lesson string had a hard job but now the lesson program is much slower. Life as a lesson horse would not be as hard as it used to be and probably will never be that busy ever again. So life as a lesson horse would not be a hard life. The barn manager was happy to take them. She said they could still live together and she would keep their farriers. She currently has 2 lesson horses and only one is really usable, and she takes better care of them than she used to in the past.  In exchange I would still be able to ride them as long as they were not being used for a lesson. My work load at the barn would be reduced as I didn't have to work off any board.  So now there are 3 lesson horses and I won't have to work so hard.

It will be interesting to see how this all works out. Details to follow.